Daring Full and Transparent Honesty in Relationship
This couple, Melvin and Sandy, are friends of mine in the cyberworld, friends for several years. I look forward to the day when we get together. Like my wife and I, this couple has a long history together, one that has worked to allow them to discover themselves as individuals within an intimate relationship, and to rediscover the “other” fully. What is learned about the other, because of daring to risk being authentic, includes both darkness and light.
The shadows beneath the surface hide most of who we are, even from ourselves. As we become self-aware, a process that requires others, we are better able to see the others as who they really are. Unfortunately, with the projections withdrawn which allow us to see others as they are, we often find ourselves deciding that this “significant” other doesn’t fit well with our own newly discovered self. The result is typically divorce or keeping the relationship together with repressed anger, psychological barriers, and physical distance (no touching, separate bedrooms, etc.). However, for some like this couple, the exposed warts, scars and bruises both physical and psychological, that predate their union, as well as having grown out of unconscious reactions out of fear and anger, serve to cement the union because of honesty.
Some of us are “lucky” according to the majority who are jealous of what appears to be an evident happy union. Yes, we are lucky that we have dared honesty, dared being totally vulnerable to each other, and dared to hold with awe, the other in our hearts and lives.