A different photo that almost hides my face yet is blatant in exposing the fact that I am a man. I hesitated for quite a while before accepting the photo for use here. I was excited about the return of the sun and taking care of the things in our yard that have been neglected. I even cut the lawn though it wasn’t too long just in case of another rainstorm deciding to make an appearance. A low-level of standing water in the northeast corner of our garden made mowing more difficult than normal but I would have to wait for several more days with total sunshine before it had any chance of drying up. Of course, the lawn was mowed while I was skyclad.
Now, I have to wonder why I chose to use this photo rather than a cropped one, or even why the photo was taken. Of course, for the most part, the photo was taken on impulse to become part of my skyclad journal which like most journals, is filled with the trivia of daily living. The photos are an integral part of that journal. It was only after, a few hours later, that the idea for bringing the photo here made its appearance into my consciousness. Of course, I asked myself “why?” and that becomes the raison d’etre of this blog post.
In yesterday’s interview I talked about the first conscious choice I made to be nude at the age of 17. I had been sexually abused by my grandfather seven months prior to this point in time. For me, stripping off the clothing and taking my place in the sunshine to read poetry from a book his wife, my grandmother gave to me. was an act of protest. It was a declaration that I was taking control of my body and my life. I refused to become a sexual plaything for others. I was daring the world, the universe. I was taking control. Of course, it wasn’t as simple as that, for I was still at home and under the sway of parents and the parental archetypes that worked within me through complexes that had developed in my earliest years. Today, I still find myself “caving in” to those complexes, though not as much as in the past. And usually, I am able to look at my behaviours and emotional surges to understand why I do what I do.
The photo is a reminder that I am my own authority. Though I don’t usually post genital images, it is valid to do so to remind myself about who is really in charge. Being in charge doesn’t mean always posting full-frontal images. To always do so can be a sign that the shadow is in charge, and not the conscious ego. It’s not so easy to differentiate and it is important to make note of that fact consciously.
With that said, it’s time to return to the sunshine.