There is a woman in every man, and a man in every woman. These alter-beings are best known as our souls. We talk of having broken souls, shrivelled souls, of even being soulless from time to time. Yet, we are never without soul. It is the connection between the self, the conscious self, and the soul that is the issue.
When we fall in love, we unconsciously recognise a projection of our soul in the presence of the other person. That person becomes our Magical Other, and there lies the real problem.
The other person is like us, broken and confused about self, other and the universe. Like us, the other person needs to be held and healed. Yet, we want this other person, weighed down by our projections, becoming a Magical Other, to heal us, to hold us, perhaps even give us the gift of magic. When we fall in love with each other, both are casting projections, clothing the other in all sorts of layers that hide the reality of the other person. Time has a way of stripping away on these layers and exposing the bare truth of the other person. And we typically become resentful of our Magical Other abandoning us, leaving us with a stranger. We take out our anger on the other person and ourselves because we just can’t see clearly what has happened.
If only we would dare to look at the real person standing exposed, raw, and authentic before us, then perhaps we would see just what it was about that other person that sparked the attraction, gave us the unconscious impulse to cast projections, the stuff of that other person which acted as hooks for our projections. But we can only dare to look at this person with dawning awareness when we have dared to confront our own exposed, raw, and authentic self.
A different kind of love emerges when both see clearly the other that stands before them. There is a resonance that is honest, deep, and powerful. It is only then that a truly “holy marriage” emerges.