Wrestling With Guilt on the Journey of Individuation
Another opportunity for me to be outside in sunshine. However, with the wind picking up and from the northwest, it won’t be long before heavy smoke returns chasing me indoors so as to make allergies more manageable.
With so much forest-fire smoke for the past week, I have been busy cleaning out my family Flickr account. I had uploaded more than 43,000 photos, not my whole collection by far, and found that I seriously needed to reduce the total as it was too overwhelming to approach for searching for untagged photos. So far, the total now stands at just under 25,000 photos. With any luck in a few more days I will have the collection down to 10,000.
There is just one problem with this exercise, it serves as a great excuse to avoid dealing with whatever is going on within me. Focusing on images from the past takes me out of myself and places the outer world at the centre. It gets even more complicated when I find myself deleting images that are more “art” than of recording family history. So many of these images touch something sacred within me. However, in terms of the outer world of family, these “luminous/numinous” images are meaningless. What is wanted, even needed in terms of family, are those images that document a shared outer life, images showing both person and place together. It is as though the individual exists only in relation with others and the world and not in him or her “self.”
To find oneself pulled within on a voyage of self discovery is not well received by the world in general and with those with whom one calls community and family. The general collective response calls it selfishness.