Issues of the Masculine – Balancing Sexual and Asexual Behaviour
I have found the photos I want for today’s blog. Again, three photos. None were staged and all respect the individual privacy of the subjects while at the same time they provide me with the context of today’s post which returns to something I found in Chapter 5 of Sharp’s book that I wanted to look at in more detail.
First, the photos. Playa Jacó is a surfer’s paradise. This is where many “cool” people hang out catching waves and at times catching the eyes of the opposite gender. Looking at these two people, I want to say that they weren’t the extremes in terms of dress styles. Guys often wear layers for bathing suits. And, many women wear much skimpier attire that this woman, even mothers with children are found in bathings suits not much more that a hint of cloth.
And, as to be expected, a lot of couples are found on the beaches such as t his one. It was interesting to see, the contrast between the alluring females and the nondescript males. If anything, the males appeared to be almost asexual. These “appearances” contradict what is happening beneath the surface.
Perhaps the major problem between men and women today is that a woman wants to be seen in her entirety, and men persist in seeing her simply as an object of lust – or the flip side, as mother. Many women enjoy being lusted after, even invite it by dressing or acting provocatively. We can probably thank the multi-billion-dollar fashion industry for that. (Sharp, Jung Uncorked: Book One, 2008, p. 52)
Women don’t like to be objectified, and that is understandable. No one should be objectified. Yet, each of us struggles with “otherness” with how to relate to otherness. Becoming too subjective, transference and identification become huge issues. Finding where self and other are separate is about being able to look objectively at the other.
But, that said, I do have questions and concerns that have shown up in my dreams of late.
Dream fragment one: … i sense a state of conflict, a sense of impending loss … I ask the woman present in my dream why she is leaving me, abandoning me … she tells me it is because I have a penis …
Dream fragment two: … the conflict continues and the stakes seem to be rising … I again ask the woman why she is leaving me … she tells me that it is because my penis is not huge and hard enough …
Okay, a contradiction seems to be apparent here. But when I looked carefully at this in the light of day, I saw that both are real, both are at issue. Perhaps women do want us to be non-threatening while they go through their lust-inciting, desire-enticing routines. There is a need for safety, for men to keep their penises in their pants. What better way than to have the male dress to mask the existence of his sex? What better way than to have him become considerate, thoughtful, caring and consoling. Even once mated, this need for men to “stuff it” must be continually played out. To act out would be inappropriate behaviour. Men need to master the art of mental cold showers. The penis gets in the way of relationship. Masculine need gets in the way of the relationship. The relationship is asexual at its best. When sexual tension presents, then conflict presents … enough sexual tension and the relationship is at risk.
And, at the same time, when “heat” has seized a woman, her man needs to become fully masculine. At the right moment, he must grow with fullness and desire to enter the promised land – on her terms and with right timing. Getting lost in lust which goes inward can effectively shut down the moment. Focus must be kept on her, on her mood, on her need with an animal magnetism. Hard, strong, long and endurance to last until her need has been met. Now, it is all about the penis – long, hard, enduring. And woe to him who because of practised sublimation doesn’t get it up enough to meet those needs. Not meeting the need, he is reduced to helplessness and is dismissed as not being a real “man.”
Thus we see the conflict between man and woman, anima and animus, consciousness and unconsciousness. Projections and complexes colour this scene to find millions of versions of this story being acted and re-enacted in the lives of couples.