Unblocking the Barricades

mandala1

Mandala - April 21, 1998

Okay, so this isn’t a photo.  This is one of my “works” that I scanned two days ago along with three other images that will find their way here.  Two of the images are of mandalas and two of the images are taken from dreams.  Before I drew this image, I had felt it building within me (I kept a journal which was updated periodically during the day with brief notes) and decided to let it “brew” within me before I actually sat down to let the image emerge.  In reading my notes from that time, I saw that even when the image was completed, I still didn’t “know” what it was all about.  It simply was something that happened.

Of course, it didn’t take much thought after the fact to see that the mandala was mostly about providing clues to the question, “Who am I?”  The answer isn’t often very clear.  What is clear though, is that it is in moments where there is tension, where there is conflict, that the inner aspects of self take on a bit more shape.  Such was the situation when this image emerged.  At that time, the very foundations of who I was was being assaulted, a fortunate occurrence as it unlocked me from my self-imposed straight jacket in which I forced anything that would disturb the status quo of my presence in the outer world into the darkness.

This image told me I was more than the outer collection of personae.  It talked to me of hidden, denied roots.  And in doing so, I began to feel again.

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